You bleed just to know you are alive
by HokaidoPlanet
Summary: Just to know that i will meet you one day and that crying would not be awesome i keep going thru my life after that snowy time.  Sequel of Ice Rupture because Matthew needed some closure.


It had been almost three years already, the time had fly for some people but I still felt like I was stuck in this frame of time. I remember that day very well even though Hungary try to cover my eyes, sometimes I wish she had actually cover them completely but missing his last moments makes my heart clench at the same time…

"Ca-Canada please let him go" I was still holding onto his lifeless body, the blood dripping from my hands and covering the now red snow

"noo… we need to call an ambulance! Please I know he can still be ok…" I kept crying the whole time looking frantic to the sides for the sign of help

"He…" she hesitated "he is not coming back…" I looked at her in anger setting him on the cold ground

"Why did you stop me!" I had stood up and was screaming at her face, I'm sure no one had ever see me react like that before "you guys were friend weren't you! Why would you let him die if you knew what was going on, was I the only who didn't know!"

"Matthew I'm sorry…" she looked straight at me as she said that and I could almost hear as her heart and memories broke as she laid eyes on her once childhood friend.

"Please be ok" I could hear the sound of the ambulance coming from the road and the only thing I could do was hold the iron cross he had given me in my hands hoping he will wake up from this… even though I knew he would not.

… after a month or two I apologize to Hungary for the way I acted, she said to not worry and that she understood. The whole time we talked about him she never mentioned his named but 'Prussia' I guess it made her feel more distant from him, help her thru it. or maybe she was being careful with me thinking that by saying his name it will make me remember, I could not cry anymore about it specially not after the funeral…

It was held just outside of Berlin and almost every nation was there, the Prussia flag was draped over the coffin and matched the snow that fell around it. I could barely hold myself up the whole time, the tears kept on falling down my face as they buried him

"hey wait there be careful" I heard my brother's voice and didn't even have to look up to know what it was, Gilbird flew around and chirped like crazy finally landing on top of the flag right where the eagle was.

"Isn't that Prussia's bird?" the Netherlands question as he stood next to me

"Gil-Gilbird" had to clear my glasses to figure out it was really him. When suddenly he stopped crying and just stood there. The small bird looked around looking for his owner and suddenly stopped at me; he took one breath of air and fell sleep. I stepped up to take him away and realize he was still crying in his sleep, Gilbert had said he had been with him since forever so now that they were apart it probably broke the little creature's heart. I hold him close and cry until I fell to the ground. I didn't want to hold my feeling inside, I knew I loved him and that the hole he left will never be filled and I was tired that everyone kept saying that it would be ok and that it was his time. Maybe he though he didn't have a reason to live for but why couldn't he just live for me!

"Matthew… come on" I looked up at the Netherlands standing next to me with his hand extended, I could almost hear Gilbert behind me telling me to not cry anymore. "you know he would not have though it to be awesome for you to be like this" he smiled at me. It was all it took for me to stop crying, the use of his words had changed my selfish point of view.

…Netherlands had been the only one not afraid to step over the broken glass of my heart while talking to me after that. Everybody was so careful of what they say around me or what they do that it actually was worst since they acted as if he had never been here at all. It had been almost three years since that day and the memories from all the years we lived together were finally something I could remember again without crying my heart out. Tomorrow I was flying to Berlin for the first time in three years to put flowers on his grave, I knew I would cry as soon as I got close to it but now I know that he is happy wherever he is and that…

"Matthew we are going to be late" I heard him call from downstairs

"I'm coming" I closed the book I was writing on, it had been a present from Gilbert the Christmas before he had died. He had said that awesome people should write about their awesome lives for people to remember their awesomeness. I laugh at him when he said that. I was still wearing the iron cross he gave me that day, I think I had never taken it of after that.

"Hey I put everything in the car so we are ready to leave…" hear him moving stuff from upstairs "hey have you seen my scarf?"

"I'm almost done and ill bring it" next to window lay the blue and white stripped scarf that he would always wear, before grabbing it I took one last look outside. It was snowing again just like every year… I smiled and let a single tear fall down my cheek. All the memories that we held together came down like the snow to my mind and stayed there playing over and over again. You were the only one who remember me and that was enough for me and now that my life has been broken for so long the memories that this so familiar snow seem to fix it slowly every year.

But I know ill miss you tonight…


End file.
